Hate everything in your wardrobe? Don't go shopping yet...
Nail these basics, and the rest will follow...
This newsletter was borne from a personal quest to 'find' my style again...three years ago. Here I am, still writing about it because it turns out it's not that easy. What I thought might be a return to the real me, is actually a rip-it-up-and-start-again situation - and that takes TIME.
I have kind of figured out what works at work. But day-to-day is different - I'm in a hands-on, physical, practical era of life (think toddler, DIY, emptying cat litter)...and that is not what I'm good at getting dressed for. I envy people who look great in casualwear, who throw on oversized hoodies and crocs and sunglasses and make it look intentional and cool.
I guess really it’s all about mindset; I don’t feel good in that stuff, ergo I slouch and feel less-than. If that’s what you put out, that’s what is perceived. People with confident nonchalance just look cool by default.
Regardless, I’m not sure that stuff really suits me anyway. I have been struggling with knowing what to wear at weekends and am rotating the same stuff constantly…which would be fine if they were things that made me feel good or filled with joy every time I reached for them, but they’re not. Everything is looking tired and past its best (same same).
So I’ve been thinking about what has been working - what do I want to double down on? What can you do too, to make getting dressed for life’s non-events easier but better? That overused adage ‘life’s what happens when you’re busy doing other things’ seems apt — so let’s figure out how dress for life.
This isn’t about buying and building the perfect wardrobe (yet), but these are the foundations that will help define your unique style before you do.
Get to know your natural hair. Find the quickest, most minimally processed way to feel good about it. If you have the time and energy to blow-dry your hair for 20 mins every morning and it helps you face the day, go for it. Conversely, I am quite happy to spend a bit of time on makeup, but I loathe doing my hair and the process of doing it was making getting ready every day feel like a giant chore. It was also starting to look damaged and helmet-like - nothing really made sense until I reverted back to wearing my hair in its natural curly state. After a bit of experimenting, I found one single product which is all I need to use, and I let it dry naturally (unless you count my twice weekly 15 min-commute with the car air con on full).
If you’ve currently got me on blast in your mind, screaming BUT MY NATURAL HAIR IS SHIT - I refuse to hold space* for your thoughts, and implore you to keep trying. Because that was me too until I persevered. Also; I’m not just talking about waves and curls. Your natural hair is perhaps poker straight - you can still embrace that or find a simple overnight way to add a little more volume. It might take some time, but the payback is so worth it.
*If I hear this phrase one more time, I’ll implode into space. Just in case my sarcasm hasn’t made itself abundantly clear.
Find your signature jewellery. If you’re searching for ways to have more consistency with your style, so that you always feel at least a little bit like your true self, jewellery is a great ride-or-die option that can mostly be worn with anything. For example if you struggle with a corporate look, adding interesting jewellery that you also wear at weekends can make you feel more at home. Obviously there are careers where this isn’t possible, but this post is about defining your style for the times you do have control over it.
Play around with different options — work out if you’re more drawn to delicate or bold pieces, silver or gold (or mixed metal: Pinterest is all over it). If rings aren’t practical for your day-to-day, opt for a simple necklace or earring stack.
I’ve pretty much stuck to the same jewellery for years now and love the consistency and meaning it brings. Mine is mainly vintage gold (passed down) with a couple of PVD coated pieces which survive daily showering no problem. I feel naked without them now.Believe in the power of perfume. Smell expensive/clean/confident /interesting and it doesn't matter what you're wearing. I’ll write about this more later as I have lots to say — my fragrance obsession has been rekindled recently after my sense of smell crept ever closer to fully functioning, three years after that virus wiped it out. It’s been such a joy to be reminded how powerful scent is: mood altering, confidence boosting, outfit enhancing. Building a small collection of perfumes to add punctuation to your clothes can be transformative. I find it way too limiting to have one signature scent, but with trial and error you’ll soon find common themes amongst your favourites which will help define your style.
Size doesn’t matter - but fit does. I am so guilty of hanging on to clothes that no longer fit me, clinging to a denial that they will one day flatter me again. All it does is make me feel shit seeing them hanging there. And actually, it’s not even about weight, because even if I do find myself a size smaller, that snug style isn’t right for me anymore. It’s dated. The key is finding things that fit well. It makes them look more expensive, and you more chic. I still have to make sure I don’t go too oversized; as long as I can belt things in at the waist, it keeps me in proportion.
I’m finding H&M in particular is making things bigger by default - when I first pulled this jacket out of my online order it looked massive for a small, but looks great once styled properly.5. Switch up your default mode. If you’re feeling completely bored by the things you reach for on the daily, don’t make the common mistake of thinking you need a complete style overhaul. I was getting fed up of wearing my trainers constantly; they seem to only look great when box-fresh. It was putting me off all my casual clothes until I decided to simply swap them out for some studded red pumps I’d bought mainly for wearing to work. This tiny change freshened everything up and felt much more me than battered trainers anyway. Try it - swap out just one thing and see what happens.
If you enjoy an obscure recommendation as much as me, then keep reading. Apologies to everyone else. I truly didn't expect a bar of soap to be so pleasing so let me explain... I try to stick to the most neutral shower gel/soap I can so that I'm just buying one main body cleansing product for the whole household, which includes a toddler and a sensitive-skin type. However, it's been getting harder and harder to find something that's completely perfume free, plus easy to stock up on, plus affordable, plus not devoid of joy. I decided to investigate natural soaps and came across this which is 100% olive oil. That's it. Even still wrapped in its plastic, I could smell it, and when it's sitting in the shower, it scents the whole room with a grassy, pine-y, holiday smell that I love (some reviewers beg to differ so this is subjective, ofc). I got 10 big bars for £12.95 on Amazon which I reckon could potentially last a year. I feel like it looks quite chic too, no? Better than a giant bottle of Sanex anyway. It makes my skin feel soft and clean and there's nothing I don't like about it. It’s only when editing this, that I’m seeing the ‘effective against dandruff and hair loss’ flash on the pack…so I guess it’s fine for hair too?
In an ideal world, I wouldn't have to buy it from Amazon but until my local Spar starts stocking Turkish soap amongst the out-of-date processed meat, needs must.
Last week it was Sienna Miller, this week Alexa Chung - I remain devoted to our beloved 00s icons. It's not hard when they look this good. Granted, I have exactly 0 upcoming events to which I could rock up in double leather but the vibe, we can definitely steal. The oversized jacket can be teamed with skinny trousers instead of a pencil skirt, and I'm already looking for dove grey shoes. These are a great price, with a more realistic heel:
"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I've never let it keep me from a single thing that I wanted to do".
Georgia O’Keeffe
As someone on a permanent (and probably futile) quest to stop being so anxious about everything, this is kind of mind blowing. Why not divert precious energy away from trying to change feelings of fear or anxiety...and just crack on regardless. It can be more exhausting and debilitating trying to 'fix' feelings we're told are wrong or unhelpful, as opposed to just letting ourselves feel them and pushing forward anyway.
Reading the quote at the end by Georgia was heavy because me TOO except the difference is I HAVE done that and I am infuriated at myself for that!